I’m on a plane. Delta flight 561 to Atlanta to be exact. I’m sitting in the rear of the plane and my seatmate is a military man named Don. I’m headed to Atlanta for a training class tomorrow but I started the day driving in traffic for two hours to get to the DC office for a “Town Hall” meeting with our national Talent (HR) leader. I was late due to the traffic but felt it was especially important given my recent return to work in the office with the rest of the team, that I show my face and mingle a bit with my colleagues. As I sat in the seat I was fortunate to find in the last row, I reminded myself of the importance of being present, of showing up. Walking briskly back to my car I also congratulated myself on my growing knowledge of how to navigate the city. I could just as easily have been wrong but I decided to park at a meter, already had my quarters sorted out from the rest of my change, and hoof it a couple of blocks to the office vs. try to get closer. I was so glad I did because there was police activity about a block past the office and if the person I overheard talking on his cell phone is to be believed there was a report of a suspicious package that brought not only the cops but the firemen as well. I sailed to the airport with no problem and from previous experience knew to head for Daily Parking Garage #2 as the walkway dumps you right at the Delta terminal where I needed to be. To the kiosk to retrieve my boarding pass, whiz through security like a pro traveler, and jump on the shuttle to the gate area. While walking from the garage to the terminal I couldn’t help but be thankful that I’ve gotten to where I am in life – with a beautiful family and loving home, wonderful friends, and a career with a top-notch company. As well, I feel fortunate to have been brought up in the Catholic faith that provided a foundation for my spiritual journey once I was ready to embark on it nearly 20 years ago. When living in Fanwood, NJ I attended a Lenten seminar that dealt with spiritual journey – can’t remember the title or even the parish I belonged to but the instructor and pastor of my church was Father Joseph Barbone and he really affected me and my spirituality. Several years later I read M.Scott Peck’s The Road Less Traveled and that was another significant experience for me. It’s been a long time and there have been many spirit strengthening moments and experiences and quite a few prayers for raised consciousness. I’m now reading The New Earth and I knew in the first couple of chapters that this book would affect me deeply. This knowledge and awareness of what the words in this book mean to me in my life are very exciting for me, both in my personal life and in my professional life.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Having just emerged from a situation that was both the best experience of my work life and a very stressful and upsetting experience at the same time I feel so many different emotions…relief – to have someone to talk to at the time and guide me out of the bad zone, thankfulness that I was able to make the decision to end the experience on my timeline (immediately) when things got to be too much for me, appreciation – for the colleagues back at the office and the way I was welcomed back, more gratitude for the insights the experience provided and is still providing me. I was worried at first that the way things went downhill fairly quickly would somehow taint my reputation. I’m already known to be someone who is not shy about speaking her mind, and who can, at times, become emotional when she feels strongly about things. My current boss is a very even person who, to my good fortune, sees the potential in me and chooses to focus on what I can contribute and how best to position me so that I can deliver for the organization to my full potential. I really cannot ask for more than this.
On another front I’m grateful that I’m at a decent place with my feeling about my family relationships back in PA. I’ve focused very hard on being honest with myself about my own feelings and acting on the good ones. But I’ve also tried really hard to not judge the individuals in my family by their actions by trying to see past the actions to the person and whatever past experiences may influence present behavior. Not that I’m trying to figure everyone out – but it is a different level of awareness that the people are not their actions. And I actually got to this level of awareness before I started Eckhart Tolle’s book (The New Earth). Yes, and I did stop and think after reading only a few pages…gee, I wish I’d read this book a couple of months ago before I felt so overwhelmed that I couldn’t rise above the issues any longer. Ben even with that, I’m acknowledging that I’m a human being and I was pushed to what, for me at that time, was my limit. Again, thanks to CPV for being where I needed her to be and doing the right thing.
Back to the family – even while all of the upsetting things were happening at the office I was very conscious of missing my sister and feeling love for my sister at a very deep and connected level. Another powerful insight from talking with her and also with her husband – who was instrumental in causing the rift between us in the first place – led me to see that in her present situation she really doesn’t have a choice about how to be. Just as I’m conscious of whether or not Jeff would be supportive or disapproving of something I did or someplace I went or even plans I make for the family – Val has to make decisions based on maintaining serenity in her own home. And I respect that. It’s easy for me to respect it since I’m just so thankful that we are on speaking terms and can have a sister chat once in a while. It took more years of separation than I want to think about to get to this place – and if I know my Aunt Dee a lot of working those rosary beads – but we are in the right place now - As right as is in our power to make it. I’m opting to focus on the beauty in that vs. the obstacles that remain.
And that is how I’m feeling today. I’m glad I brought along my computer on this trip so that I could take advantage of this quiet time in the clouds to express what I’ve been carrying around inside me for several weeks now.
There are many more things I’m thankful for, especially for my wonderful husband and all we’ve built together – the tangible things as well as the intangible – the atmosphere of our home, our relationship with each other, the parenting of our children together. And I’ll save the rest for another day.
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