Having missed out on the spiritual aspects of Lent by burying myself in work over the past couple of months I surface this weekend to feel guilty that I'm not observing the most sacred time in the year for a Catholic. And I'm tempted to just write this one off and say that I "missed" it but I'm thinking that I can salvage the whole thing for myself by just working toward going to Mass tomorrow. I don't like to be an Easter Catholic and I feel as though I'm missing something if I don't take the whole season to reflect on where I am spiritually and what the holiday means to me this year but realize that it's a cop out if I am thinking all this today and don't go tomorrow. I'm ashamed of myself I guess and feel like I have to hide from God and not go for all the flowers and the celebration because I wasn't around for all the reflecting, repenting and sacrificing. Good dose of the guilt and I'm feeling almost prodigal...not that I'm looking for excuses but it's more work when your mate isn't of the same faith and you go it alone. Plus, at times, it the choice of going to Mass when I like to go and missing out of the family breakfast time vs. going later. Now that last part is just an excuse. So I'm going tomorrow.
Around here I'm trying to get the house in order as the clutter has been winning over the past few weeks. I snuck up on the laundry and finished putting last week's away and will now tackle this weeks'. The groceries have been bought and the eggs are hardboiled and waiting to be dyed. The Easter basket stuff is hidden away for the time being and the dining room table, after a quick dusting, will be ready to receive them tomorrow.
I'd like to take the kids to the circus tomorrow after getting all the chores done today but Alex is here today and not tomorrow and Jeff would want her to go too so rather than drop everything today to go and leave it for Sunday I guess we're not going. I'm annoyed about that. I don't like this if Alex isn't here to go then nobody goes but it's on me to rearrange what I want to do to accommodate it. I don't feel that great today and the house is in need of attention so I will be stressed and won't enjoy myself if we go today. But if we get tickets for tomorrow and I know that I'm working toward getting things done before we go (and going to Mass) then I'll enjoy it. I don't like that if Alex can't go we all won't go. There are things she does when she's with her mom that my kids don't get to do so why should everything they do have to include her or they don't get to do it at all? I really want to go tomorrow, maybe I'll push the issue.