Wednesday, December 9, 2009

If I Told You

That I worked from the time I got downstairs, maybe got up once but I don’t so,
I think my a$$ was in the chair the whole time until 2:00
So 7 a.m. to 2 p.m.
When I learned that everything I’d done lacked one change
So I have to go back and put the change in to every piece I worked on
Took me 7 hrs
Has to be done over –wiould you believe me?
Believe it
So I
Took a shower
Ate something
Came upstairs and set up for a change of scene
Feel like I’m in a bad dream right now
Blue and overwhelmed
Kids are in a good mood though, thank goodness for that
And CCD usually keeps them in a good mood.
Just letting you know what’s going on around here

Sunday, November 29, 2009

from the heart

Someone who recently lost her soul mate posted on FB "is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?" My response was that it is better to have loved and lost. Ideally, we don't suffer a great deal of loss in our lives but on the other hand the suffering makes us who we are.

But this loving thing. To truly love someone for who they are, just as they are and have them return that love is one of the most amazing feelings in the entire world. It's not just romantic love. It's an amazing feeling any time you connect with someone and can just feel that they love you, truly love you.

Today my heart is full of love and gratitude for the people in my life who love me

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Anam Chara

ANam Chara: ‘Soul Friend’. In early Irish monasticism, the anam chara was a fellow monk, nun, or priest who formed a personal relationship with another individual, listened to their private confessions, provided them with spiritual advice, and finally performed last rites upon their death. The concept spread quickly through the Celtic world, and later even secular people might have a particular monk, nun, or priest to be an anam chara for them as well.

In nineteenth century Scotland, anam chara was also used to refer to one who recites the death prayers over the dying and the dead. This meaning is obviously an organic extension of the primary meaning given above.Though some have proposed ancient pagan origins for anam chara, citing its resemblance to the Hindu Acharya; it is more likely emerged from a purely Christian context, anam chara being a direct translation of ‘psykhikos philos’. This of course does not preclude its usage in a modern pagan

context, for individuals and traditions which find value in the practice. This seems kind of morbid but when you think about it having someone in your life that cares about every breath you take even to your last is a real blessing. Yesterday my yoga teacher retweeted the following:

JoeMullally: "A true (Anam Chara) soul friend cherishes U completely just as U are & wears your name upon their heart, always"

and I found it to be very beautiful.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Staying Connected, Keeping It Real

This week was a busy one but I took time to meet with a couple of colleagues I've started up a networking group with to "Sit 'n Stitch". Attracted to the thought of knitting little caps for newborns in Rwanda and then finishing up the 3 or so projects lying around in varying stages of completion, I signed on. After postponing twice we finally met last week and I started on a hat. Sounds simple but to get there I had to take a break from my work and metro in to DC from Arlington then find the place. It was a short first session but I made a connection with two people that I want to get to know better and it just felt like the right thing to be there.
I ended up starting the hat over again two or three times but I've taken the step and picked up the needles again.
Last night I went to the movies with a friend I don't usually spend much time with. I rarely go to movies. I rarely hang out with her. We had a drink at the pub first and saw New Moon. It felt like the right thing to be there. I really enjoyed the movie. I knew I was in the Jacob camp from just reading the books but seeing the character on the screen sealed that deal.
These are not major life events but making time for simple things is something I don't often do. I tend to think on the macro level including about life-balance. But the simplicity and the balance are found in the minutes and hours of each day and trying to make each one matter. I get it.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Sometimes it's ok to cry a little right?

Tonight it feels good to cry a little.
It's been a long time since I've let a few warm, salty drops seep out of the corners of my eye,
The house is quiet and I'm just thinking and just crying a little.
Why I'm crying? I'm not 100% sure.
But I think it's a little bit of so many different things,
a mosaic of bits and pieces of my life,
things I've done,
things I didn't get to do,
things I've said,
things said to me,
bad things that happen to good people,
missed opportunities,
people I don't get to see enough of,
things I've always wanted to do but don't think I ever will,
remembering places I've been that have touched my heart and my soul,
beautiful things,
the people in my life who are so genuine and so real that I wish I could tell them how much they mean to me but there are no words,
my beautiful children and my hope that I'm doing right by them and loving them enough,
for the times I haven't loved myself enough,
for days like today when I feel like a foolish old woman,
for the scariness of the bad economy,
for my Mom who's spent so much time alone,
for time spent away from my sister that we can never get back,
for the difficulty of the way the best lessons in life are usually learned,
for the wonderful experiences I've had and the memories, all of the memories,
for trying so hard to figure it all out then having days when I feel like I don't know a damn thing,
for beaches and waves and snowflakes and fires in the hearth and puppies,
for humanity and the earth and the moon and the stars,
for my faith,
in gratitude for all the blessings, for the opportunity to give back,
for sad things and frustrating things and bittersweet things and beautiful things, for the humbling that comes when I feel so inadequate but then knowing I am here for a purpose,
for the guts to do things things most people would rather not do,
for the courage to avoid taking the easy way out,
for being tired of always doing it the hard way,
I needed to cry a little today.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

An Aha Moment Was All I Needed

As my 6 faithful followers know I have not blogged regularly and have not blogged at all for 7 months. There has been plenty going on; plenty on my mind to write about but it's settling down to write that has been a challenge. You may interpret that as I have been too lazy to just do it. It's ok, I know the deal.
So I thought I would break out of the dry spell by sharing the note I wrote to my DH this afternoon on what has been a brutal day for me. Sniff, Sniff, Whine, Whine, right? No, this isn't a pity party. It's a "things finally bit me in the ass" kind of thing.

Today, 3:00 p.m.

Dear Husband,

Today is, by far, the worst work day I've had in a long time. I'm off the hot seat now so I thought I'd take a moment to just think about all of it and put into perspective by writing to fill you in vs. having a good cry and telling you about it later.

I was up until 3:00 this morning trying to pull the last pieces of this work document together. It wasn't until very late and after many interruptions that I realized how much formatting, cutting and pasting remained to get everything into the appendix, etc.

Last night I'd told colleague that I had it under control. We'd had a 5:00 deadline which the mgr was willing to push out so I told her to go on her merry way with her plans for the evening. The deadline slipped to 10:00, then to first thing this morning. I worked on it and tried to get as far along as possible until my eyes started to cross and I just had to get to bed. Well I woke to my cell phone ringing at 9:45 and it was the colleague. We had to do tons more editing and formatting to really get this thing ready for manager review. Well, it took two of us until about an hour ago to get it polished to the point of being client-ready. So I feel like shite about that. I honestly thought the wrap up would take an hour last night once I got done writing. I didn't even realize how many documents we actually had to put into the appendix - try 60 pages worth.

Insult to injury was that my right hand was numb when I tried to sit down to plunge into this again. Yes, the old tension knot in my back was doing a number on my hand. Makes it fun to to type!

To make matters worse, this lovely pimple on my face that I had to pick at the other day is killing me - at least I don't have to go out of the house with this open wound on my cheek. Pass the Halloween candy please?

So I finally get rolling along but Kate had been complaining about not feeling well and not wanting to go to school. She's been really sensitive and whiny and I thought it was a phase but maybe she is truly down with something. As I was trying to salvage some self-respect and credibility by getting my piece of the document done (did I mention this involves a lot of desk-top publishing type stuff that I am lousy at but learning ever so quickly?) it's time for Kate to leave for school. But she's crying that her head hurts and she doesn't want to go. I tried to calm her down and get her to talk to me so I could see what's really going on. I ended up telling her to go upstairs and lie down on the sofa. Then had to call the lovely lady at the school who yelled at me once because I called the absentee line after 9:30. I still haven't been up to check on her because I've only now just stopped to breathe. I wish we had a bathroom down here in the basement.

There's more. I just saw an email from our practice leader that one of my favorite senior managers is leaving the company and that makes me want to just cry. He's one of the leaders I really look up to and has also become a good ally within the practice. Bye bye to him.

I need to go check on Kate, find something for lunch, and then brace myself for the rest of what this day is going to send my way. My next thing is due by Monday at 9:30 or 10:00 and you can bet I'm starting it now. My year of learning the ropes in consulting continues with another big chomp out of my a$$ from procrastinating, underestimating the time it will take for something I've never actually done before, I could go on and on.

The good news is that the "aha" moment I've needed is finally here.

p.s. the dogs have moved to chewing on the pillows of the sofa down here now that I've spent 3 days moving every single toy out of their reach....they will be going to their crates now.

Your loving wife

Monday, April 27, 2009

Once I had all that off my chest about feeling blocked and frustrated I went about my business and today I realize in retrospect that the kids had a very full weekend - TKD camp, soccer, baseball, playing outside AND I got quite a bit accomplished despite my bitching. Bed linens all changed, bathrooms all scrubbed, progress with laundry, and a kick-ass manicure on Sunday evening. Moving right along - today after my orthodontist appt I mailed the thank-you's from Kate's party, stopped at the library & found books about building cabinets & closets for Jeff, got gas, cleaned up the kitchen, sorted through both kids' summer clothes to weed out things that don't fit, put Kate's into her drawers and removed the winter stuff.....then my migraine set in. Now I'm having a little rest. Tomorrow it's back to the salt mines!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Vicious Cycle

Ok - before I start into that, my groceries are here and the delivery guy just carded Jeff because there is wine with our order - we're old enough that we don't find it annoying any more!

So the vicious cycle is this - I have a plan to clean up the house and get things done. I go out for a bit and come back and there's more mess than when I left. I talk to the kids about not leaving their stuff lying around; they ignore me or change the subject. I remind my son that he has to practice the speech he's known about for two weeks and has to deliver tomorrow. So far he's "thought about it" and written down a few notes. The speech has to be 1--3 minutes and length is part of the grade, as is content, delivery, etc. He's in first grade by the way. I suggested a topic that will be very natural for him to speak about "How to draw a flag". The speeches have to be a "how to" theme and he's big into flags and loves to draw them, esp. US, So Korea, and a few others. Big attitude there when I said let's hear it. He's going to practice for Dad, not me. Before I left for my errand I told him that practicing his speech means not once, not twice, but over and over until he knows it cold and does it well. Then I tried the old "when you stand up there tomorrow and feel dumb because you have no idea how to begin or what to say....don't blame me dude, it's all on you". Easier said than done right because when it's your own kid you don't want them to fall flat on their little face to teach them a lesson - you just want them to get it. What does this have to do with the vicious cycle? Well after getting frustrated by the fact that there is no cooperation and lots of push-back whenever I open my mouth* I often say "screw it" and go hide out with my computer and my Facebook, Mafia Wars game, Spider Solitaire, emails, reading stupid junk about celebrities, watching Susan Boyle on YouTube, etc. Why should I be the one and only one who cares that what everyone wants to wear next week is clean? In two hours I'm leaving again to go and get my nails done and my brows waxed. Tomorrow will not be busy for me at work although I have a ton of prep reading to do, online classes I could be taking, and the like but I'm tempted to take the day off, beg Debbie to take Kate out for the entire morning until it's time to get Jackson at school and just clean and organize all day. I have a dental appt at 9:30 and a work happy hour/team meeting thing in DC in the evening. Taking the day to clean does not lend itself to going INTO DC for an after work event. What to do, what to do?
I've been really out of sorts about the mess but if I'm not engaged and productive at work I'll have a lot more to worry about than organizing my clutter - I'll be tossing it to fit only the bare necessities into my garbage bag when I move into the homeless shelter, right? Of course I'm forgetting one of my own pieces of solid gold advice, which is "THIS TOO SHALL PASS"! I've learned that the kid stuff goes in phases and while some things get easier maybe other things get more difficult. Right now I'm just in the midst of what I feel is a losing battle with the clutter and mess and stuff (I have not once mentioned the dreaded "L" word (Laundry) in this whole rant because I am OVER it)...ok, I sort of alluded to it but that's progress, right?
So in closing I will remind myself of the things that have gotten easier over the last year and other things that go smoothly and that I'm grateful for:

Jackson can now take his bath by himself - once we run the water he's off to the races;
He doesn't complain or pitch fits about having to go to school;
Other than the day he said "I'm not eating this shit!" he's been a really good eater - so I consider that remark an outlier as he's never said anything like that before or since;
Kate is the more pleasant of the two and happily helps out when asked;
They play together really nicely the majority of the time which takes the burden off of us to amuse them constantly;
They're both really smart and ask a lot of questions because they're inquisitive and what to know ABOUT things - this one doesn't really make my life any easier or less tiring but it pleases me to no end.
They're healthy little horses - even Jackson with his asthma;
They're genuinely fun to be around and the sweetest little snuggle puppies when they're in the mood. They are my biggest blessings ever!
I still don't feel like getting up and washing the bathroom floor though...

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I'm Drinking the DeCaf

I've reached the turning point, the point of change, the moment of realization - I really need to start drinking decaf....I finally saw an internist about my blood pressure (and I found one that I love thanks Dr. Rosen, thanks Dr. Kanierya!) and along with watching my salt intake - reducing cheese, chip, cold cuts, etc. consumption, and trying to exercise more, I am giving in and trying once more to get used to decaf coffee. I will say that the decaf mocha I had yesterday from Starbucks was yummy and I would have never known it was decaf if someone else handed it to me and I hadn't ordered it myself.
Along with this caffiene epiphany I have purchased the Morton's less salty salt - don't ask but it tastes the same and contains half the sodium.
Today's lunch made me realize that my health is ruling my dietary life and I'm accepting that this isn't such a bad thing perhaps. Perhaps. So after I have my Activia yogurt for my digestive health with my whole grain toast with light butter, I move to my Promise Activ power shots - one for the cholesterol and one for the blood pressure. Sometimes I use those to wash down the fish oil and flax seed capsules also for heart health.
And yes I'm exercising more - getting busier with work and working in DC means that I am doing a large amount of additional power walking and stair climbing each day and I do mean power walking. When I see that bus sitting there at the far end of the Metro driveway as I come up the escalator inside the station I have to hustle or wait for the next bus. Granted, the Fairfax Cty buses come every 6 mins during rush hour but I trained myself on the Loudoun buses that come but every 20-30 minutes (lameness) and so I hustle. Parking at the Park n Ride means scaling the 44 steps every day to retrieve my car after work. And when I consider that it's good for me I don't complain a bit!
The Wii Fit hasn't been seeing too much action over the past couple of weeks but I have not abandoned that either. I do so look forward to getting on there after a few days break and having the little animation tell me that it missed me and I'm still fat, etc. etc. It's such a joy!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Batman! Da na Na na Na na Na na Batman!

Everything is just about in place for Katherine's 5th birthday bash on Saturday at Tiger Den. The theme is Batman and we have the decorations and the pinata and the goody bags already stuff with cool Batman junk. Oh, and the cake - the sheetcake with the batman logo is ordered and I have the candles plus a sparkler in the shape of a "5". I even put the forks and the matches in the bag (the two things I'm most likely to forget). On Saturday we must remember to take a knife for cake cutting so Master Jae won't have to cut the whole thing up with the ceremonial sword he'll use to make the first cut. So far everyone on the guest list is able to attend. This is going to be huge fun especially when Kate sees her new motorized Batman 3 wheel ATV. I am so excited about this surprise!!!! She's going to be beside herself when she sees it!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

When the Going Gets Tough

The tough go shopping....I was pondering recently how long it's been since I've used retail therapy to relieve stress - previously spending hours away from the house on weekends in search of bargains and other fun stuff for all of us to wear and use to decorate the house. I can honestly say I don't miss it and every now and then I do sneak out for a little spree.
Today in fact, although I'm not feeling particularly stressed despite the potential meltdown of my very envied child care arrangement, I went out to pick up a salad for lunch by way of Macy's where I finally found a handbag that "spoke" to me. So I bought it. My original intention was to get a fine gold chain to replace one I'd broken and I did that but won't pick it up until Friday until it goes on sale for half, HA! This girl's still got it! I've taken to wandering through Macy's maybe once a month and I usually linger by the handbags - how often do we truly NEED a new handbag, huh? Until today I hadn't seen anything that really said - "take me home, we need each other Cynde, don't fight the feeling". Up until now everything that caught my eye was very similar to what I already owned (and we're downsizing, scaling back, simplifying here remember that) or it was too pricey for what I was in the mood to spend. So today, yes today, totally unplanned and unexpected I went into Macy's and this soft apple green leather baby hit me right between the eyes. Can't wait to get home and transfer everything over! yes!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Hurry Up and Wait

I've given up being hard on myself because I'm a procrastinator. What I have done is forced myself to start things up a little in advance and be prepared - but for the most part my "Jerry Maguire" approach still serves me rather well and now it's more out of necessity because it's not just me - it's the whole family and especially the little ones, who I have to worry about now - all of their activities and so forth. I will admit that there are times when I regret not leaving more time for myself as I've forgotten to factor in the kids distracting me or needing me while I'm doing someting else. One thing that my "just in time" method does provide, assuming I've read the instructions, or the invite, or whatever in advance, is that it gives me time to thoughtfully consider my approach and so when I'm ready to act and get things done I have my game plan all thought out. Sometimes it's like a mini scavenger hunt to go out and find all of the things I'd envisioned to pull a gift together or whatever it is I'm doing. It's just part of the fun.....

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Wise Words for Tough Times

First, I must apologize if you came here to read a quote from the man on the mountain - it's just me. I just wrote an email to someone I know who is having a tough time and it turned into such the pep talk that I felt I needed to scrub it and post it - it falls under the rant category of Cynde rants and raves for sure, for sure....

Here goes:

I know it’s really hard but try not to fall apart – when you start to think about the bigger picture and feel yourself starting to crumble remember that no one is about to foreclose on our homes and if and go to a different school/camp over the summer and/or next year it will not be the end of the universe. Just like it wasn’t the end of the universe when didn’t get into to and now I don’t have to pay tuition for him, oh AND we all love Elementary, oh AND I’ve made several really lovely friends through my contact with ….

You are doing the right stuff – exercise helps vastly with depression and you are keeping your body strong! Reaching out when you are feeling iffy – definitely it’s hard to sink into depression when you are around people…or, at a minimum, in touch with people. I know you’re angry with but his situation right now is all the proof you need that YOU cannot fall to pieces such that you’re unable to hold that household together….you’re a good example for him as well because you are doing all the right stuff to take care of yourself. If you’re feeling this roller coaster every day you should touch base with because maybe you need a strong dose of something right now – it’s scary out there but believe it or not you are in a VASTLY greater spot than most people – believe it – people are getting evicted from rentals because they can’t pay the rent and are living in county provided motel rooms with their kids - cooking dinner in the bathroom and stowing all their gear in garbage bags. I know it feels horrible but you will come through this just fine – you are doing all the right things – when you fall to pieces about losing the house or divorcing you, you sound like a lunatic though – that is NOT going to happen. Things are going to get better – last economic forecast I heard about was 2nd half of 2010. This is a distance race not a sprint – stop panicking every day about the big picture – just do the best you can every day and if you can’t be effective on the phone then

p.s. God will take care of you and yours – I believe with all my heart that your generosity to anyone and everyone in the past will come back to you but you need to calm down with the paranoia…

p.p.s. you are not a bad mother – if kids are acting naughty and ungrateful and God forbid, disrespectful, then they need to be handled accordingly. Knowing that they are loved no matter what but that you command, deserve, require, their respect is what’s important. Buying them things when they’re pissed at us or we feel guilty about something will not do our kids any favors – it will teach them that bad behavior is rewarded – that they deserve something each and every time they feel wronged whether they actually are or they aren’t – and that you are a doormat. Especially right now – it’s the perfect time to teach them about waiting for the things that they want, that there is no such thing as immediate gratification (no need to go into the masturbation exception at this early stage in their lives), and most importantly the value of things – what they receive from us has value, and mostly our work goes into obtaining those things of value, and that is not unlimited – if we lose our jobs or get sick and cannot work there are no more new things coming in the door and even if that doesn’t happen now is a time when others are losing their jobs, entire companies are shutting down and even if we have the money it’s not a time to be frivolous. There’s a tremendous lesson to be learned (by us and our whole society) about experience times tougher than we could ever imagine.

Must go get dressed for my important job downtown working on matters of national security….don’t laugh – when this stupid vetting process is over with I will be keeping our borders safe from infidels who come here to do us harm! You’ll see! ok, maybe not - but the desktop publishing edits and formatting I'm doing right now will make someone very very happy today!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Random Things

Lately there have been a ton of notes going around on Facebook asking for 25 random facts or asking specific questions - all in the name of putting your stuff out there for your friends to get to know you better. I don't know why but I love that stuff. I guess I do really love people deep down or maybe I just like to find out more about their individual foibles because then I don't feel like I'm the only strange one....hmmm.

Today I've got a lot of random stuff going on in my head so here it is -
I've been enjoying the peace of taking the bus to the metro station (I know I know the f'ing bus but it does have its good points) so much that I haven't even been taking along a book to read. Shocking because I can devour a book like nobody's business but I just haven't been taking a Robert Ludlum or a J.D. Robb or anything else. But i might go buy a book today while I'm in DC.

People know I'm from the northeast because I alternately call DC "the city" and that is something that people in the NE use to refer to NYC. The city is the city so I call DC the city....what can I say?

I'm headed to the office even though I have a ton of work that I could be doing from home. It's a ton of work but none of it is chargeable to the client and in my business it's all about being billable so going into the office keeps me under everyone's nose in the event that a scrap of billable work surfaces that I could keep busy with while I'm waiting for my "public trust" vetting to go through and the funding to come through so I can actually get to work at my next client. Matters of national security as I've mentioned before...not really but I like saying that, ok?

Jeff has a plan to start work on finishing the basement. We're starting with building storage closets/cupboards to stow the various plastic bins of mostly holiday decorations but there will be space for other - such as pantry items (minimal since we have a huge pantry), maybe cleaning supplies (minimal since I keep those in the kitchen and all of the bathrooms so they're handy for my drive-by cleaning) and misc. From there I'm not sure what the plan is but hopefully it will involve some drywall in places. The project is starting out with an experiment building a small cabinet for his hobby stuff. That's been under construction since the weekend and so far so good with the new drill that allows holes on the diagonal for this nifty new construction he's discovered that doesn't involve needing a circular saw. Why he's holding back on getting that I am not sure since every other project in the last 13 years has involved purchasing a power tool.

That's all for now - I think I'll go play mahjong solitaire to whittle away the rest of the time I'm on the bus.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

An Idle Mind...

So yesterday when I was hibernating/vegging out, the kids were under minimal supervision and just playing all day, hanging out, no fighting - thank goodness, but mainly doing what they wanted. Well when I finally surfaced I noticed that in addition to eating all of the Valentine candy Jax had brought home from school and watching Spongebob all day Jackson had taken the scissors to the pants of his long underwear - new from Christmas that he's worn once under his clothes to play in the snow but mainly likes to play ninja in them because they're navy blue....yes - cut holes in the pants....I know this because when I ask him about it he looks off in the distance and ignores me. That's his signal for yes I did it and I know I'm not supposed to so I'm pretending I don't hear you, la, la, la. Then Dad chimes in that he'd written ON his new desk. That did it so I handed him some rubber gloves and some cleaning supplies and told him to march upstairs and get the marker off the desk or the desk was coming out of his room, buh bye. A little while later I thought I might be hearing some strange music or the cries of mourning doves - turns out it was him upstairs moaning and crying because I was so mean to him and he was now "very sad". Hmmmm, very sad. I had to explain that my reaction was mild compared to how angry I was that he'd destroyed new clothing and marked up a new piece of furniture and that if he cut, wrote in, glued anything to, pierced, or otherwise damaged any property he was really in for it. I'm not 100% sure I got my point across because he is under the false impression that he can do "anything he wants." I don't think my explaining that he might be surprised to know that not even his dad or I can do "anything we want." Examples being the fact that I was sitting there listening to him tell me how mean I am when I'd rather be doing something else - like eating dinner out ALONE with my Valentine vs. ungrateful kid...and the fact that I am not off work for President's Day but would prefer to be home with the rest of the family. He misses the point by telling me surely I'm wrong because it's President's Day and I must really be off.....A work in progress my little man!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Tune in tomorrow for "An Idle Mind is the Devil's Workshop"

will write tomorrow because right now I'm busy trying to figure out the best punishment for my kid....

Oh Scrap!

Last night was a scrapbooking night at the neighbor's house. People slay me when they ask how it is that I have time to scrapbook. I MAKE time because it is a hobby that satisfies a number of needs in my life: "me" time, creative outlet, a place for the photos of my kids that I love to take, an occasional night out with the girls that doesn't involve spending a lot on a dinner and drinks out...shall I go on...I think I shall because having a one stop place to get all of that also SAVES me big bucks going to the shrink. That would be $130/hour - I think I get a far better return from the scrapbooking, don't you?

This week was a very special week because our refrigerator died. How did we know it was dying? Not the puddle of water on the floor, no, no, no...that's not how we roll. Instead we noticed a strange antiseptic sort of smell in the area of the refrigerator that got worse as the day wore on while the food in the freezer started to un-freeze. We were not messing with that shit calling a fridge it was. But that's not the end of the story. The story continues with having to move the food from the old into the new and in the process discard anything that was so obviously stinking of whatever that smell was that we knew we couldn't eat it. Then came the quandry over whether it all just had to go or if anything was salvagable. First, I wiped down everything in the fridge because it seemed the odor had settled on things. That helped. Fresh box of baking soda to absorb more odor - absolutely could not hurt a thing. Thankfully the new refrigerator has a separate aparatus that does the freezer and the air doesn't mix, because the freezer stuff also carried the odor. More fun. I donned rubber gloves, emptied the entire freezer, actually washed my food (racoon thoughts running through my head), dried my food, sniffed everything again, decided to unpackage the things that were in boxes but also wrapped in side. Boxes smelled, wiped down the contents, sniffed again - seems ok - into a ziploc bag, next! This is getting boring right? Imagine having to do it! Some things didn't make the cut and out they went. Things seem to be smelling back to normal in there. The new fridge is really nice - water, ice (crushed and cubed) in the door, lower freezer compartment, upper is side-by-side. It's a nice fridge.

So now to fill it back up again - which brings me to thank God for Safeway grocery delivery. This is something that I honestly don't mind doing - the grocery shopping that is - especially since I'm not one to plan out weeks of menus, etc. to go shopping. However, for $0, I can have my groceries delivered - ok, so I had to be some of the stuff on special to get free delivery but so what - it's not worth $11 of my time to have the stuff delivered? Last time I checked my hourly rate (at work) is somewhere in the neighborhood of over $450....I think my time at home is vastly more valuable than that and so the $11 becomes a drop in the bucket (or the soup pot - your choice). I can honestly give up the satisfaction of squeezing my own melons and pawing through all of the nearly identical packages of Perdue chicen breast filets myself to have my groceries delivered by a nice man who is not allowed to take tips but can accept a nice cold drink, thank you very much! If something is not to my liking I merely pick up the phone, call customer service, and receive a credit for the item. It's a beautiful thing. If you haven't tried it - well all I can say is that I'm guessing you fall into the category of those who don't like to get massages and other stuff like that....I'm just saying.....

ok, I will wrap up by describing my romantic Valentine's Day - I was feeling a little punky all day so I basically laid around and napped the day away. I sound like a lazy slob saying that right after the grocery thing, no? But the thing is that I'm thinking like a bear here - virtually hibernating because in a month or so we'll be getting ready for Easter, soccer and baseball will be starting up, I'll be busier at work, the flower beds will need a good Spring cleaning along with the roses that need pruning, I'm enjoying some guilt-free down time. The pizza should be arriving shortly and we'll watch a movie with the kids. I just love being home!