I'm Here, I'm Still Here

 have been MIA for a bit haven't I? Work's been an ordeal. I've
been blogging a bit on my scrapbook.com page (I'm ScrapJoy there) and
I've also been interacting with the group I'm getting to know on
another scrapbook site (A Scrapping Friendsy if anyone is interested
in what that is). I started a 2nd journal - possibly to torture
myself because now I have two that I feel I don't write in often
enough - but the 2nd I picked up because I was on the road and felt a
need to write about what I was reading in a book called "Devotions
for Lent". I just got home from Mass a little while ago, a Mass that
I almost didn't go to because I was running late. I thought about
going this evening to another church but lately I've felt a
connection with my own that's stronger than it had been before. What
I have to share is that I decided to get in the shower and go to
12:15 Mass at my own church even though I'd be walking in part way
through. I was so glad that I did that I talked to the priest about
it afterward because I literally walked in during the sermon and
heard him say the very things I needed to hear today as I struggle
with the nonsense in the workplace. Without giving you the whole
rundown it was basically about Jesus' suffering and the fact that He
is right here in our lives every single day with us not just hanging
on the cross in an empty church and that by letting go of fear and
putting our faith in Him great things occur and we are taken care
of. Landing in the job I'm in right now was a miracle at the time
and I knew it. I need to make a move now and I was foolish to worry
that I wouldn't be taken care of again. It will all be fine.
I didn't mean to get preachy right there - just wanted to share what
I experienced today. (Whether you believe or not - just sharing my
experience - hope I didn't offend anyone with the religious aspect as
it's not my intention to try to push that on others or cause
controversy.)
Also, another revelation. I have my dining room table pushed down to
the far end of the dining room right in front of the double window
and I'm sitting here right now realizing it would be the perfect
place to have a home office/art studio because it looks out over the
backyard which is the most beautiful area of our property - My
dogwood tree is directly in my line of sight out there.

Tags: Faith, Self Awareness, Spiritual Journey, Thankfulness

Bah Humbug

What do I have to be miserable about - I'm in the middle of 14 days off from work with no major plans, commitments, obligations and I'm in a bit of a funk?  What is up with that?  I've got that sense of the time just ticking away but what is the big deal - my only objective was to make a great Christmas for the kids and enjoy some quality time off with them and Jeff and here we are snugs as four bugs in a rug - five if you count the dog.  The house is clean, the fridge is full, the laundry is not overflowing, so what is my deal?  I think I need to make a list of things I'd like to get done and prioritize that list according to what should be done while I'm off and what can wait, etc.  and just start getting some things done.  I think the root of my problem is that I don't know how to act when I'm not in panic mode but I WANT to know how to act when I'm not in panic mode because I want to live in this mode not in panic mode.  Ok, I've gotten to the root of the funk - now let's attack it shall we? 

Fa La La La La

Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house, the cleaning ladies were stirring all they could rouse.  We're all crammed in the basement to stay out of their way.  I'm hoping the kids behave themselves today.  They should be done shortly, they've been here since 9.  I'm playing with my new computer and everyone else is fine.  For now.

We're all home together for the rest of the week.  Alex is here today and will be opening her gifts since she didn't come over yesterday.  Stacey and Dave will be coming over for dinner later - could be a new tradition - to celebrate Boxing Day with the Jewish friends.  Yesterday was nice and peaceful - opened the gifts, ate breakfast, relaxed a bit, went to Mass, relaxed some more, made and ate a simple dinner, to bed earlyish but stayed up to watch one episode of the Cold Case marathon. 

Must think of some stuff to do with the kids to keep them from going stir crazy in the house.  Chuck E. Cheese's is out of the question.  We still have to make the holiday pierogis but that is a lot of work and captures their interest for only a short time.  Maybe a trip to Baltimore to see the train exhibit I heard about.  Must go Google that now!

I had such a relaxing day but I am so tired!

Another weekend and I keep meaning to hit the scrapbooks – even have two pages planned out, ready to crop and decorate…but the weekend activities kept me from it – yesterday afternoon was wide open – took a nap J Today was wide open – organized all of the online photos in one master file and now burning CD’s as backup.  Did pork loin in the slow cooker and made an apple cake while keeping the laundry going.  I’m exhausted, have I mentioned that I’m exhausted?  Haven’t written since summer vacation and tons have been going on since – Jackson is in kindergarten and doing well.  In two weeks he’ll switch from after school daycare to a program at the martial arts studio and he’ll be on his way to being a tae kwon do master.  He’s been asking about doing that since school began in September and finally I checked it out and it seems like a really good deal.  Soccer is over for both Kate and Jax and she’ll be starting dance lessons at the same studio where her friends Neena and Kelly take class.  She’s also been asking about that for a while but with soccer and swimming enough was enough.  I’m exhausted, LOL

Beachin'

Delicious! That is the word I use to describe having the 2nd week at the beach.  The kids are loving it – everyone is relaxed and there is a big difference in their clinginess from last week.  The weather has been fabulous – we couldn’t ask for more

 

 

Some Adult Time

I had some adult time tonight.  Even though Jeff went out of town today I managed to secure a babysitter and went to the business dinner meeting that I had made plans to attend.  I thought about canceling.  The babysitter got lost on her way here and I figured that if she didn’t arrive by a certain time it wasn’t worth going and I wouldn’t go.  I thought about calling home as soon as I got there but I was late as it was – I called as soon as it ended figuring she’d be getting them ready for bed and wouldn’t answer.  I worried all the way home because there was no answer but I alternated that with noticing that I didn’t feel completely drained and exhausted or like I needed a glass of chardonnay and fast….Then I got home and they were freshly bathed, in their p.j.s and listening to a story.  It’s 9:00 p.m. and I’m not asleep on my feet ready to fall asleep right alongside them.  This has been a good experience.  I think that if I carve out the me time – really take the me time instead of just talking about it or wishing I had it – I will be a more patient and relaxed parent.  It takes work to find the right fit with a babysitter and even a great one may not work out because of change in circumstances, car trouble, etc.  but if I keep at it I could potentially find someone who’s conveniently local, who works well with my kids, and get some help with the most difficult times of the day – namely after  work – amusing them, feeding them, getting them ready for bed.  Even a break once in a while is so nice.  Or I guess Jeff and I could alternate more regularly.  It’s our own fault for spoiling them so that neither one goes to sleep without a parent anymore.  More work to undo what we’ve done by letting them get used to our presence until they’re fast asleep.  And we knew better even as we were doing it but were too tired to not lie down for just a minute or two that turns into hours or all night.  Even Jeff made me feel guilty for sticking with my plans – because he expressed concern about leaving them with a new babysitter.  She was sweet and adorable and they had a blast.  The kitchen table got cleaned off, they got bathed and pj’d and all was quiet on the home front when I got home.  In the past I stopped myself from going through with finding a mother’s helper to assist during that stressful after work time but that’s crazy – having someone around to amuse them while I change clothes, return a phone call, start dinner…would make a huge difference.   I can’t believe how awake I feel

It is the best of times; it is the worst of times

Do I not have the most adorable children in the world – adorable, intelligent, polite – is my daughter not sending me around the bend with her constant whining?  Why was I misled about the terrible two’s?  She was a peach at two – she’s impossible at three when she’s not being a snuggly mommy’s princess, that is.  There are five articles of clothing that she will wear – and she will wear them clean or dirty.  That is five articles of clothing from amongst the sinful abundance of cute girl clothes and funky girl clothes and on and on.  And the whining – her whining has started to be like a knife in the knot of tension in my back.  What to do – she gets whatever she wants but she whines regardless.  <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Jackson went through this.  This too shall pass.  My neck is killing me.  Advil’s not touching it.  <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />