ARROGANCE

One thing about me is that I have to have things figured out. I can't let go of a conundrum. And so when presented with the question "Why and How a person can act the way they do?" my little ole pea brain just kept working on it until the AHA moment came...ARROGANCE

It's kind of like "the devil made me do it" (fellow old-timers, that was Flip Wilson wasn't it? I loved Flip Wilson)

Yes, sometimes it's pure, unrelenting ARROGANCE that drives behavior. Trying to wrap your brain around "how could they be that way", "why can't they see the damage they do" is futile....it's ARROGANCE through and through.

Now I can work on the next puzzle....

Happy free "stay at home day" to all who are enjoying a day off and the lovely East Coast/Mid-Atlantic weather!

Gorgeous Weather Saturday

One of those days when everyone is wishing the whole summer could be like this - maybe until the first snowfall-or at least a full week?

Kate's first soccer practices were this week and she's pumped about playing again. Fierce is the word that comes to mind when I see her running on the field. She can't wait to put the uniform on for the first game - and what a cool uniform - shirts more like under armour than the usual shiny gross oversized stuff....very cool...and yes it is worth the extra time it takes to drive to Ashburn so she doesn't have to wear the ugly orange SYSA uniform....betcha thought I was kidding, but I wasn't!

Today was back to school haircut and new sneakers...how I wish she was wearing a uniform and little leather oxfords with knee socks! Those were the good old parochial days of my childhood.

Tomorrow I have a Thai massage - thank you Joe for returning to Evian/Solace - you were missed!

I'm Still Standing

HeeeEEEEYYYY!

Great weekend - did you check me out on FB? Took the train to NYC with babygirl on Saturday and hit American Girl Place, bought her the doll, and a basketball outfit for "the doll", and toured around NY on a gorgeous day on a siteseeing bus, and saw my Spanish/Chinese son Eduardo briefly, and Sunday I rocked the academic garb as a Georgetown faculty member welcoming the freshman class of 2014. Grand finale? Yes I did have one....saw Donna Summer at WolfTrap on Sunday night and it was GREATTTTT!!!! Great show, she never sounded better, great seats, great company, great wine and snacks before the show...there was one drawback but it pains me to recall so I'll leave that out...had to do with someone seated near us...

So Monday rolls around and it's an ok day and I'm headed out to pick up Kate's soccer uniform and I get on the wrong train...don't ask me how it happens, ok, it just does and that cost me a half hour, then I waited in WFC for almost an hour for the f'ing bus, and finally on my way out to Leesburg to take care of business when I get a message from work about having a chat regarding something I'd submitted as a "final draft".

Turns out (through mostly no fault of my own) I was off the mark in terms of the audience I was actually writing to...but getting the message made me nervous and having to rewrite (again, 2nd time) made me nervous too...I should take these things in stride but have a lot at stake right now...so we get on the call and talk through things and I'm less uneasy and so not even that annoyed that "Play It Again Sports" in Leesburg was out of the stock on the uniform....so I head to Wegman's to pick up a few things for dinner and of course, some wine.

I got home and unpacked my groceries and found there was no wine to be found...I'd left it at the checkout. Under normal circumstances this would not bring a woman to tears but let's just say these were not normal circumstances so I had a little fit then drank a glass of red...was ok, we were having steak anyway....

and yesterday morning thought I'd planned it perfectly but still managed to be very late for my doctor's appt in Bethesda...headed to the office to work on some stuff that needs to get done and meet with my advisor...we even met an hour earlier than planned so I was able to get out of the office to get Kate to her first soccer practice...ha ha ha, that's so funny, isn't it? it's not? ooooh, forgot to mention that I'd left the side door on the mommymobile open and the battery died (takes an hour and a half for that to happen, btw) so I was stuck at the Dunn Loring Metro Station with my jumper cables waiting for either of the cars parked beside me to move or a miracle. Turns out I got the miracle. Not 1 but 2 people to help and we connected 2 sets of cables together to get enough length to reach a car behind the van to do the jump. And I was not amused AT ALL by the references to 'BEING JUMPED'...

oooh, what makes this even funnier is that it was 96 degrees in the shade and I was drenched...schvitzing as my Hebrew brethren like to say....big SCHVITZ! So my car is running and it's cooling off inside and I'd triaged a ride to practice for Kate so decided to go to the OTHER store and get that uniform DAMMIT! I'd already called and they said they had her size in stock...so off I went. That done I went back to good old Wegman's with my good old receipt and got my wine...then gas...then home.

I don't care what anyone says, I deserved a wine party after those two days...

and if you missed this on Facebook, last week was also a doozy - with me and some dork at the Park n Ride screaming at each other as we got off the bus and all the way to our cars....I was not in the mood for anyone to start up with me and that's all he seemed to want to do so I had to "get Chester on him".

Now I'm going to Chester up and get on with things because the stupid shit that keeps happening is making me laugh at this point...and thank you to the not ONE but TWO GOOD SAMARITANS at the train station who took the time in the heat after a day at work to get me back on the road....Thank you and God Bless You! You know they were glad I didn't hug them being all schvitzy and all, right?

So here's to jumper cables x 2, calling ahead to see if the merch is in stock, keeping your receipt handy, J. Lohr chardonnay, and the ability to work from home on occasion.....All's well that ends well and I'm still standing.

Workin' for a Living

People often ask me how I do it and I just laugh a little. Because I just do. It's a big juggling act. It's having it all but not all at the same time. It's you're teaching this semester and big new prof on campus but the laundry isn't getting done so much and that's irritating. It's having the weekend off from your full time job but having papers or exams to grade. It's finally feeling like you're turning the corner after the struggle of the transfer into the consulting role but missing all but one of the kids' school events....

I love irony...I'm on the school scrapbook committee and had absolutely no event pics of either child to contribute this year.

I'm an all or nothing kind of girl in every sense of the word I guess...

Seriously, it's all about balance...it's about maintaining even the slightest bit of control over the areas that matter and letting yourself decide that some areas matter less and some not at all. It's about not worrying who else does it better or differently or stressing because you can't or don't want to do something the way you've always done it ...cooking it from scratch, etc. Life is too short....

The secret is in the balance and sometimes things tip too far in one direction or the other. As long as you catch it and give yourself permission to take the time to catch up on the things that might have gone awry. Trying to be perfect is a futile and thankless endeavor. We're human....if we take ourselves too seriously we add unnecessary pressure and stress to our lives. And "when momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy"....who wants to live like that.

I like to leave it in God's hands. My sacrifices I offer up to God, working through my frustrations I offer up to God, using my talents to help people I offer up to God, inspiring me to raise my children to be good little Catholic people I request of God, being present in the moment and not dwelling on past disappointment or worries about the future I'm able to do when I leave it up to God.

Dear God, Thank you for the abundant blessings in my life...my wonderful children, my nice home and neighborhood and neighbors, my 10 years working for a great company, the opportunity to teach at Georgetown, the friends who are there when I need to talk or need a word of encouragement, for knowing that my mother loves me even though she can't be here for me the way I want and need her to be, for my godparents who treated me as their own child and love me "just because". For another day and another opportunity to serve you. Thank you Lord.

Amen.

Is it really mid-August? School Supplies Blues

Summer has been a blur....no surprise there....


this has been quite the weekend - this is what's gone on....

I was uninvited to a reunion that I'd previously been invited to (it was just teasing, good thing I'm not sensitive?)...

I drove 40 minutes to a friends to work on layouts for my kids' school scrapbook and forgot most of the pictures I'd planned to use...

The track ball on my NEW blackberry died ...

I went to the A T & T store to blackberry track ball replaced knowing there was a chance they didn't do service at that location....45 mins later it was confirmed that they do not do service at that location...I do not like to waste 5 mins much less 45!

In between all that I subjected myself to a bikini wax....no, I don't wear a bikini!

I got home and baked brownies. While they were on the back of the stove cooling one of the boxers, not sure whether it was Dumb or Dumber, managed to drag the pan forward and slurp a sizable chunk out of the middle.....precious puppies...

Weather forecast for tomorrow is thunder showers...do I commute into DC or work from home? Pros and Cons to both....

I cannot believe that school starts up in 3 weeks....the good news is that I ordered all of the school supplies from Amazon.com, got free shipping, and the prices are comparable to what's in Target....

What happened to going back to school with a new school bag, pencil case, two sharpened #2 pencils, a red pencil and a pink pearl eraser? I spent nearly $100 on school supplies and I'm not quite done. There's another $25-$30 on the list of things needed. Granted, I did not go to public school. My mom paid tuition but I have to believe that I'm shelling out more per year per child now for public school than she paid in tuition for the whole year?

I wonder how many pairs of Fiskars blunt tip kid scissors I will end up buying before I'm done? I think I've already bought a minimum of a half dozen.

I guess I should be grateful neither is into clothes at the moment - track pants and t-shirts work for him and whatever I buy is is fine with her because she sheds that and puts on her track pants and t-shirt as soon as she gets home...she's leading a double life...girly girl by school hours and tom-boy at home. Don't tell her I told you!

Mid-Summer Touchpoint.....

The kids are having a pretty good summer and playing with neighborhood friends, just like in the old days when no one had yet coined the term "play date".

I've been busy with work during this middle part of the summer but not teaching. It's the good kind of busy - interesting work, interesting client, great team, clear expectations, good communication, flexibility about where I work. Everything I love about working at Deloitte!

We took our Outer Banks, NC beach vacation a bit earlier this year mostly due to indecision about whether to take the house for 1 week or 2 causing a delay in reserving and so we had to take what was available. One week is never enough in Corolla. I was ready to come home because of things on my mind back home, mostly work, but I could have been convinced to stay. We had a lovely week with no rainy, non-beach days. I read four books, did a fair amount of knitting, rode a bike to the beach every day, and steaming broccoli one evening was the extent of my cooking.

While I love late August vacations I will admit that having a little more summer left after the vacation is a nice change. I can actually show off my "savage tan" at the pool if the mood strikes.

I have a day of boating on Lake Anna, a trip with Kate and another mom and daughter to NYC to the American Girl Place, the Donna Summer concert to look forward to before summer ends.

This narrative of "what I did this summer" is devoid of any of my musings and witty remarks so pretty boring fare. More to come!

Where On Earth Have I Been?

I've been working, I've been teaching, I've been taking care of home and hearth....I've been moping and wasting time in between like I always do!

Admitting the problem is the first step toward recovery though, right?

Sad, headache-y, feeling like I want to run away somewhere or at least hide here locally. I'm getting my wish. Going away on business travel for most of the next three weeks. Coming home on weekends. Can't even believe that starts on Monday.

Why can't I get motivated with this dream life of mine?

Earth to Cynde - snap out of it!

If I Told You

That I worked from the time I got downstairs, maybe got up once but I don’t so,
I think my a$$ was in the chair the whole time until 2:00
So 7 a.m. to 2 p.m.
When I learned that everything I’d done lacked one change
So I have to go back and put the change in to every piece I worked on
Took me 7 hrs
Has to be done over –wiould you believe me?
Believe it
So I
Took a shower
Ate something
Came upstairs and set up for a change of scene
Feel like I’m in a bad dream right now
Blue and overwhelmed
Kids are in a good mood though, thank goodness for that
And CCD usually keeps them in a good mood.
Just letting you know what’s going on around here

from the heart

Someone who recently lost her soul mate posted on FB "is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?" My response was that it is better to have loved and lost. Ideally, we don't suffer a great deal of loss in our lives but on the other hand the suffering makes us who we are.

But this loving thing. To truly love someone for who they are, just as they are and have them return that love is one of the most amazing feelings in the entire world. It's not just romantic love. It's an amazing feeling any time you connect with someone and can just feel that they love you, truly love you.

Today my heart is full of love and gratitude for the people in my life who love me

Anam Chara

ANam Chara: ‘Soul Friend’. In early Irish monasticism, the anam chara was a fellow monk, nun, or priest who formed a personal relationship with another individual, listened to their private confessions, provided them with spiritual advice, and finally performed last rites upon their death. The concept spread quickly through the Celtic world, and later even secular people might have a particular monk, nun, or priest to be an anam chara for them as well.

In nineteenth century Scotland, anam chara was also used to refer to one who recites the death prayers over the dying and the dead. This meaning is obviously an organic extension of the primary meaning given above.Though some have proposed ancient pagan origins for anam chara, citing its resemblance to the Hindu Acharya; it is more likely emerged from a purely Christian context, anam chara being a direct translation of ‘psykhikos philos’. This of course does not preclude its usage in a modern pagan

context, for individuals and traditions which find value in the practice. This seems kind of morbid but when you think about it having someone in your life that cares about every breath you take even to your last is a real blessing. Yesterday my yoga teacher retweeted the following:

JoeMullally: "A true (Anam Chara) soul friend cherishes U completely just as U are & wears your name upon their heart, always"

and I found it to be very beautiful.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Staying Connected, Keeping It Real

This week was a busy one but I took time to meet with a couple of colleagues I've started up a networking group with to "Sit 'n Stitch". Attracted to the thought of knitting little caps for newborns in Rwanda and then finishing up the 3 or so projects lying around in varying stages of completion, I signed on. After postponing twice we finally met last week and I started on a hat. Sounds simple but to get there I had to take a break from my work and metro in to DC from Arlington then find the place. It was a short first session but I made a connection with two people that I want to get to know better and it just felt like the right thing to be there.

I ended up starting the hat over again two or three times but I've taken the step and picked up the needles again.

Last night I went to the movies with a friend I don't usually spend much time with. I rarely go to movies. I rarely hang out with her. We had a drink at the pub first and saw New Moon. It felt like the right thing to be there. I really enjoyed the movie. I knew I was in the Jacob camp from just reading the books but seeing the character on the screen sealed that deal.

These are not major life events but making time for simple things is something I don't often do. I tend to think on the macro level including about life-balance. But the simplicity and the balance are found in the minutes and hours of each day and trying to make each one matter. I get it.

Sometimes it's ok to cry a little right?

Tonight it feels good to cry a little.

It's been a long time since I've let a few warm, salty drops seep out of the corners of my eye,

The house is quiet and I'm just thinking and just crying a little.

Why I'm crying? I'm not 100% sure.

But I think it's a little bit of so many different things,

a mosaic of bits and pieces of my life,

things I've done,

things I didn't get to do,

things I've said,

things said to me,

bad things that happen to good people,

missed opportunities,

people I don't get to see enough of,

things I've always wanted to do but don't think I ever will,

remembering places I've been that have touched my heart and my soul,

beautiful things,

the people in my life who are so genuine and so real that I wish I could tell them how much they mean to me but there are no words,

my beautiful children and my hope that I'm doing right by them and loving them enough,

for the times I haven't loved myself enough,

for days like today when I feel like a foolish old woman,

for the scariness of the bad economy,

for my Mom who's spent so much time alone,

for time spent away from my sister that we can never get back,

for the difficulty of the way the best lessons in life are usually learned,

for the wonderful experiences I've had and the memories, all of the memories,

for trying so hard to figure it all out then having days when I feel like I don't know a damn thing,

for beaches and waves and snowflakes and fires in the hearth and puppies,

for humanity and the earth and the moon and the stars,

for my faith,

in gratitude for all the blessings, for the opportunity to give back,

for sad things and frustrating things and bittersweet things and beautiful things, for the humbling that comes when I feel so inadequate but then knowing I am here for a purpose,

for the guts to do things things most people would rather not do,

for the courage to avoid taking the easy way out,

for being tired of always doing it the hard way,

I needed to cry a little today.

An Aha Moment Was All I Needed

As my 6 faithful followers know I have not blogged regularly and have not blogged at all for 7 months. There has been plenty going on; plenty on my mind to write about but it's settling down to write that has been a challenge. You may interpret that as I have been too lazy to just do it. It's ok, I know the deal.

So I thought I would break out of the dry spell by sharing the note I wrote to my DH this afternoon on what has been a brutal day for me. Sniff, Sniff, Whine, Whine, right? No, this isn't a pity party. It's a "things finally bit me in the ass" kind of thing.

Today, 3:00 p.m.

Dear Husband,

Today is, by far, the worst work day I've had in a long time. I'm off the hot seat now so I thought I'd take a moment to just think about all of it and put into perspective by writing to fill you in vs. having a good cry and telling you about it later.

I was up until 3:00 this morning trying to pull the last pieces of this work document together. It wasn't until very late and after many interruptions that I realized how much formatting, cutting and pasting remained to get everything into the appendix, etc.

Last night I'd told colleague that I had it under control. We'd had a 5:00 deadline which the mgr was willing to push out so I told her to go on her merry way with her plans for the evening. The deadline slipped to 10:00, then to first thing this morning. I worked on it and tried to get as far along as possible until my eyes started to cross and I just had to get to bed. Well I woke to my cell phone ringing at 9:45 and it was the colleague. We had to do tons more editing and formatting to really get this thing ready for manager review. Well, it took two of us until about an hour ago to get it polished to the point of being client-ready. So I feel like shite about that. I honestly thought the wrap up would take an hour last night once I got done writing. I didn't even realize how many documents we actually had to put into the appendix - try 60 pages worth.

Insult to injury was that my right hand was numb when I tried to sit down to plunge into this again. Yes, the old tension knot in my back was doing a number on my hand. Makes it fun to to type!

To make matters worse, this lovely pimple on my face that I had to pick at the other day is killing me - at least I don't have to go out of the house with this open wound on my cheek. Pass the Halloween candy please?

So I finally get rolling along but Kate had been complaining about not feeling well and not wanting to go to school. She's been really sensitive and whiny and I thought it was a phase but maybe she is truly down with something. As I was trying to salvage some self-respect and credibility by getting my piece of the document done (did I mention this involves a lot of desk-top publishing type stuff that I am lousy at but learning ever so quickly?) it's time for Kate to leave for school. But she's crying that her head hurts and she doesn't want to go. I tried to calm her down and get her to talk to me so I could see what's really going on. I ended up telling her to go upstairs and lie down on the sofa. Then had to call the lovely lady at the school who yelled at me once because I called the absentee line after 9:30. I still haven't been up to check on her because I've only now just stopped to breathe. I wish we had a bathroom down here in the basement.

There's more. I just saw an email from our practice leader that one of my favorite senior managers is leaving the company and that makes me want to just cry. He's one of the leaders I really look up to and has also become a good ally within the practice. Bye bye to him.

I need to go check on Kate, find something for lunch, and then brace myself for the rest of what this day is going to send my way. My next thing is due by Monday at 9:30 or 10:00 and you can bet I'm starting it now. My year of learning the ropes in consulting continues with another big chomp out of my a$$ from procrastinating, underestimating the time it will take for something I've never actually done before, I could go on and on.

The good news is that the "aha" moment I've needed is finally here.

p.s. the dogs have moved to chewing on the pillows of the sofa down here now that I've spent 3 days moving every single toy out of their reach....they will be going to their crates now.

Your loving wife

Once I had all that off my chest about feeling blocked and frustrated I went about my business and today I realize in retrospect that the kids had a very full weekend - TKD camp, soccer, baseball, playing outside AND I got quite a bit accomplished despite my bitching. Bed linens all changed, bathrooms all scrubbed, progress with laundry, and a kick-ass manicure on Sunday evening. Moving right along - today after my orthodontist appt I mailed the thank-you's from Kate's party, stopped at the library & found books about building cabinets & closets for Jeff, got gas, cleaned up the kitchen, sorted through both kids' summer clothes to weed out things that don't fit, put Kate's into her drawers and removed the winter stuff.....then my migraine set in. Now I'm having a little rest. Tomorrow it's back to the salt mines!

Vicious Cycle

Ok - before I start into that, my groceries are here and the delivery guy just carded Jeff because there is wine with our order - we're old enough that we don't find it annoying any more!

So the vicious cycle is this - I have a plan to clean up the house and get things done. I go out for a bit and come back and there's more mess than when I left. I talk to the kids about not leaving their stuff lying around; they ignore me or change the subject. I remind my son that he has to practice the speech he's known about for two weeks and has to deliver tomorrow. So far he's "thought about it" and written down a few notes. The speech has to be 1--3 minutes and length is part of the grade, as is content, delivery, etc. He's in first grade by the way. I suggested a topic that will be very natural for him to speak about "How to draw a flag". The speeches have to be a "how to" theme and he's big into flags and loves to draw them, esp. US, So Korea, and a few others. Big attitude there when I said let's hear it. He's going to practice for Dad, not me. Before I left for my errand I told him that practicing his speech means not once, not twice, but over and over until he knows it cold and does it well. Then I tried the old "when you stand up there tomorrow and feel dumb because you have no idea how to begin or what to say....don't blame me dude, it's all on you". Easier said than done right because when it's your own kid you don't want them to fall flat on their little face to teach them a lesson - you just want them to get it. What does this have to do with the vicious cycle? Well after getting frustrated by the fact that there is no cooperation and lots of push-back whenever I open my mouth* I often say "screw it" and go hide out with my computer and my Facebook, Mafia Wars game, Spider Solitaire, emails, reading stupid junk about celebrities, watching Susan Boyle on YouTube, etc. Why should I be the one and only one who cares that what everyone wants to wear next week is clean? In two hours I'm leaving again to go and get my nails done and my brows waxed. Tomorrow will not be busy for me at work although I have a ton of prep reading to do, online classes I could be taking, and the like but I'm tempted to take the day off, beg Debbie to take Kate out for the entire morning until it's time to get Jackson at school and just clean and organize all day. I have a dental appt at 9:30 and a work happy hour/team meeting thing in DC in the evening. Taking the day to clean does not lend itself to going INTO DC for an after work event. What to do, what to do?
I've been really out of sorts about the mess but if I'm not engaged and productive at work I'll have a lot more to worry about than organizing my clutter - I'll be tossing it to fit only the bare necessities into my garbage bag when I move into the homeless shelter, right? Of course I'm forgetting one of my own pieces of solid gold advice, which is "THIS TOO SHALL PASS"! I've learned that the kid stuff goes in phases and while some things get easier maybe other things get more difficult. Right now I'm just in the midst of what I feel is a losing battle with the clutter and mess and stuff (I have not once mentioned the dreaded "L" word (Laundry) in this whole rant because I am OVER it)...ok, I sort of alluded to it but that's progress, right?
So in closing I will remind myself of the things that have gotten easier over the last year and other things that go smoothly and that I'm grateful for:

Jackson can now take his bath by himself - once we run the water he's off to the races;
He doesn't complain or pitch fits about having to go to school;
Other than the day he said "I'm not eating this shit!" he's been a really good eater - so I consider that remark an outlier as he's never said anything like that before or since;
Kate is the more pleasant of the two and happily helps out when asked;
They play together really nicely the majority of the time which takes the burden off of us to amuse them constantly;
They're both really smart and ask a lot of questions because they're inquisitive and what to know ABOUT things - this one doesn't really make my life any easier or less tiring but it pleases me to no end.
They're healthy little horses - even Jackson with his asthma;
They're genuinely fun to be around and the sweetest little snuggle puppies when they're in the mood. They are my biggest blessings ever!
I still don't feel like getting up and washing the bathroom floor though...

I'm Drinking the DeCaf

I've reached the turning point, the point of change, the moment of realization - I really need to start drinking decaf....I finally saw an internist about my blood pressure (and I found one that I love thanks Dr. Rosen, thanks Dr. Kanierya!) and along with watching my salt intake - reducing cheese, chip, cold cuts, etc. consumption, and trying to exercise more, I am giving in and trying once more to get used to decaf coffee. I will say that the decaf mocha I had yesterday from Starbucks was yummy and I would have never known it was decaf if someone else handed it to me and I hadn't ordered it myself.
Along with this caffiene epiphany I have purchased the Morton's less salty salt - don't ask but it tastes the same and contains half the sodium.
Today's lunch made me realize that my health is ruling my dietary life and I'm accepting that this isn't such a bad thing perhaps. Perhaps. So after I have my Activia yogurt for my digestive health with my whole grain toast with light butter, I move to my Promise Activ power shots - one for the cholesterol and one for the blood pressure. Sometimes I use those to wash down the fish oil and flax seed capsules also for heart health.
And yes I'm exercising more - getting busier with work and working in DC means that I am doing a large amount of additional power walking and stair climbing each day and I do mean power walking. When I see that bus sitting there at the far end of the Metro driveway as I come up the escalator inside the station I have to hustle or wait for the next bus. Granted, the Fairfax Cty buses come every 6 mins during rush hour but I trained myself on the Loudoun buses that come but every 20-30 minutes (lameness) and so I hustle. Parking at the Park n Ride means scaling the 44 steps every day to retrieve my car after work. And when I consider that it's good for me I don't complain a bit!
The Wii Fit hasn't been seeing too much action over the past couple of weeks but I have not abandoned that either. I do so look forward to getting on there after a few days break and having the little animation tell me that it missed me and I'm still fat, etc. etc. It's such a joy!

Batman! Da na Na na Na na Na na Batman!

Everything is just about in place for Katherine's 5th birthday bash on Saturday at Tiger Den. The theme is Batman and we have the decorations and the pinata and the goody bags already stuff with cool Batman junk. Oh, and the cake - the sheetcake with the batman logo is ordered and I have the candles plus a sparkler in the shape of a "5". I even put the forks and the matches in the bag (the two things I'm most likely to forget). On Saturday we must remember to take a knife for cake cutting so Master Jae won't have to cut the whole thing up with the ceremonial sword he'll use to make the first cut. So far everyone on the guest list is able to attend. This is going to be huge fun especially when Kate sees her new motorized Batman 3 wheel ATV. I am so excited about this surprise!!!! She's going to be beside herself when she sees it!

When the Going Gets Tough

The tough go shopping....I was pondering recently how long it's been since I've used retail therapy to relieve stress - previously spending hours away from the house on weekends in search of bargains and other fun stuff for all of us to wear and use to decorate the house. I can honestly say I don't miss it and every now and then I do sneak out for a little spree.
Today in fact, although I'm not feeling particularly stressed despite the potential meltdown of my very envied child care arrangement, I went out to pick up a salad for lunch by way of Macy's where I finally found a handbag that "spoke" to me. So I bought it. My original intention was to get a fine gold chain to replace one I'd broken and I did that but won't pick it up until Friday until it goes on sale for half, HA! This girl's still got it! I've taken to wandering through Macy's maybe once a month and I usually linger by the handbags - how often do we truly NEED a new handbag, huh? Until today I hadn't seen anything that really said - "take me home, we need each other Cynde, don't fight the feeling". Up until now everything that caught my eye was very similar to what I already owned (and we're downsizing, scaling back, simplifying here remember that) or it was too pricey for what I was in the mood to spend. So today, yes today, totally unplanned and unexpected I went into Macy's and this soft apple green leather baby hit me right between the eyes. Can't wait to get home and transfer everything over! yes!

Hurry Up and Wait

I've given up being hard on myself because I'm a procrastinator. What I have done is forced myself to start things up a little in advance and be prepared - but for the most part my "Jerry Maguire" approach still serves me rather well and now it's more out of necessity because it's not just me - it's the whole family and especially the little ones, who I have to worry about now - all of their activities and so forth. I will admit that there are times when I regret not leaving more time for myself as I've forgotten to factor in the kids distracting me or needing me while I'm doing someting else. One thing that my "just in time" method does provide, assuming I've read the instructions, or the invite, or whatever in advance, is that it gives me time to thoughtfully consider my approach and so when I'm ready to act and get things done I have my game plan all thought out. Sometimes it's like a mini scavenger hunt to go out and find all of the things I'd envisioned to pull a gift together or whatever it is I'm doing. It's just part of the fun.....

Wise Words for Tough Times

First, I must apologize if you came here to read a quote from the man on the mountain - it's just me. I just wrote an email to someone I know who is having a tough time and it turned into such the pep talk that I felt I needed to scrub it and post it - it falls under the rant category of Cynde rants and raves for sure, for sure....

Here goes:

I know it’s really hard but try not to fall apart – when you start to think about the bigger picture and feel yourself starting to crumble remember that no one is about to foreclose on our homes and if and go to a different school/camp over the summer and/or next year it will not be the end of the universe. Just like it wasn’t the end of the universe when didn’t get into to and now I don’t have to pay tuition for him, oh AND we all love Elementary, oh AND I’ve made several really lovely friends through my contact with ….


You are doing the right stuff – exercise helps vastly with depression and you are keeping your body strong! Reaching out when you are feeling iffy – definitely it’s hard to sink into depression when you are around people…or, at a minimum, in touch with people. I know you’re angry with but his situation right now is all the proof you need that YOU cannot fall to pieces such that you’re unable to hold that household together….you’re a good example for him as well because you are doing all the right stuff to take care of yourself. If you’re feeling this roller coaster every day you should touch base with because maybe you need a strong dose of something right now – it’s scary out there but believe it or not you are in a VASTLY greater spot than most people – believe it – people are getting evicted from rentals because they can’t pay the rent and are living in county provided motel rooms with their kids - cooking dinner in the bathroom and stowing all their gear in garbage bags. I know it feels horrible but you will come through this just fine – you are doing all the right things – when you fall to pieces about losing the house or divorcing you, you sound like a lunatic though – that is NOT going to happen. Things are going to get better – last economic forecast I heard about was 2nd half of 2010. This is a distance race not a sprint – stop panicking every day about the big picture – just do the best you can every day and if you can’t be effective on the phone then

p.s. God will take care of you and yours – I believe with all my heart that your generosity to anyone and everyone in the past will come back to you but you need to calm down with the paranoia…

p.p.s. you are not a bad mother – if kids are acting naughty and ungrateful and God forbid, disrespectful, then they need to be handled accordingly. Knowing that they are loved no matter what but that you command, deserve, require, their respect is what’s important. Buying them things when they’re pissed at us or we feel guilty about something will not do our kids any favors – it will teach them that bad behavior is rewarded – that they deserve something each and every time they feel wronged whether they actually are or they aren’t – and that you are a doormat. Especially right now – it’s the perfect time to teach them about waiting for the things that they want, that there is no such thing as immediate gratification (no need to go into the masturbation exception at this early stage in their lives), and most importantly the value of things – what they receive from us has value, and mostly our work goes into obtaining those things of value, and that is not unlimited – if we lose our jobs or get sick and cannot work there are no more new things coming in the door and even if that doesn’t happen now is a time when others are losing their jobs, entire companies are shutting down and even if we have the money it’s not a time to be frivolous. There’s a tremendous lesson to be learned (by us and our whole society) about experience times tougher than we could ever imagine.

Must go get dressed for my important job downtown working on matters of national security….don’t laugh – when this stupid vetting process is over with I will be keeping our borders safe from infidels who come here to do us harm! You’ll see! ok, maybe not - but the desktop publishing edits and formatting I'm doing right now will make someone very very happy today!